Dear married woman,

There’s a wrong trend gaining grounds societally that has infiltrated the Christian marital belief system and I believe I should take out a little time to address today. This is an issue that I believe, beyond being a societal norm, sadly, is also becoming a Christian norm.

Infact, there’s a need for us to reset and/or calibrate our mindset to align with the Scriptures of which we’re advocates. I chose to talk about this at the risk of shaking the hornets nest of which I’m not afraid. Many women may not like me after this, and feminists may even come after me, but I’m still going to say things the way it should be — and I do this humbly.

It should be noted that, as a married woman, my wife does not demonstrate any of these negative trends in our marriage. My motive is purely to cause us to think and possibly unlearn, due to the negative impacts of such mindset that has destroyed many marriages.

The statement, “My husband’s money is our money, but my money is mine alone” as simple, normal and innocent as it sounds, I believe, is a major drawback to the concept of marital unity and oneness that the Bible preaches.

Firstly, we’re admonished as men, amongst other things, to be the providers in the home. This implies that whatever needs that may come upon our wife and children is a burden which we must carry and deliver. I thank my God that He empowers me to faithfully do this.

The role of a woman as a helper does not necessarily connote being a financial burden bearer (kudos to wives who selflessly contribute to family finances). We can attest to the reality that it takes more than just money to keep a marriage, and in essence, a home successful. There are countless ways the woman can veritably help out. However, the woman may financially support her husband where all entireties fail.

The concept of marital oneness and partnership means that everything about your spouse belongs to you as everything about you belongs to them. It, in essence, denotes that nothing about either of you should exist outside the platform of the marriage.

In the case that a woman makes money, choosing to keep or hide that reality from her husband is a sign that she has not fully cleaved onto him. If money is going to be something that the wife holds outside the principle of oneness, what it means is that money can become the deal-breaker of that marriage.

Many marriages are breaking today because a man somewhere suddenly wakes up one day to discover that his wife has assets (money, houses, cars, businesses) which he never knew of because she sneakily kept them from him; all these while his own finances is running dry and he has been left with nowhere to run.

It is often expedient that a woman makes her money. But whether that money should be part of the family finances or not should be a collective rather than her sole decision.

If you and your husband are really one, then your money and his money are one, too. No more, no less.

Grace to you.